response and responsibility

In February and March, Scout Niblett, Akron/Family and Jana Hunter will all, on separate evenings, play at the Hi-Tone. I am really so excited about living down the street from there for the first time since I moved to Poplar.

In other news, I have a job interview Monday morning and am panicking about what to wear. Oh and the inevitable request: "Please describe a situation where you had a difficult and detailed problem and how you brought it to a satisfactory conclusion." Does roasting a turkey count? Or learning to use a sewing machine? If only I were applying to teach home economics.

Waiting

When I am alone I am happy.
The air is cool. The sky is
flecked and splashed and wound
with color. The crimson phalloi
of the sassafras leaves
hang crowded before me
in shoals on the heavy branches.
When I reach my doorstep
I am greeted by
the happy shrieks of my children
and my heart sinks.
I am crushed.

Are not my children as dear to me
as falling leaves or
must one become stupid
to grow older?
It seems much as if Sorrow
had tripped up my heels.
Let us see, let us see!
What did I plan to say to her
when it should happen to me
as it has happened now?

- WCW

everything that was and everything after

Huffy Henry hid the day
inappeasable Henry sulked.
I see his point,-a trying to put things over.
It was the thought that they thought
they could do it made Henry wicked & away.
But he should have come out and talked.

All the world like a woolen lover
once did seem on Henry's side.
Thereafter nothing fell out as it might or ought.
I don't see how Henry, pried grow
open for all the world to see, survived.

What he has now to say is a long
wonder the world can bear & be.
Once in a sycamore I was glad
all at the top, and I sang.
Hard on the land wears the strong sea
and empty grows every bed.
------------------------------------
Learn your Berryman. I don't know mine.

20 degrees and d dropping

I know I am at that point where I need to be making a more concerted effort to get out and see people, maybe reconnect with the friends I made last year, but I can't, I just can't. I'm too busy browsing google reader and eating chocolate frozen yogurt in bed.

bookish

Does anybody have a favorite book blog? Recommendation, please.

this week's Free Will Astrology

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19): In his book The Way of Transition, William Bridges defines "the neutral zone" as "that in-between time, after you've let go of your old life and before you have fully discovered and incorporated your new life." Sound familiar? Maybe the neutral zone where you're currently simmering isn't as dramatic as that - maybe you haven't been stripped of every single certainty and you're not wandering in limbo. But I suspect you have at least let go of one aspect of your old familiar rhythm and have yet to ease into the one that'll be familiar in the future. My advice? Don't rush it. Get all you can out of this unique and educational time in the neutral zone.

you'll be in the air

At what point do you realize you have a goal, a dream? I think I have been too focused on the present to formulate dreams. My goals are more along the lines of turning in job applications and paying this month's bills. I felt like the rest would find its way in time. Some dreams float in and out of view, mostly involving world travel and moving out of Memphis, but nothing concrete. But suddenly I am plagued with the anxiety that I am wasting my time. 

Oh the familiar return of anxiety. How I lived without you for a span of months. And now you sit in my lap like a dead cat. Any mention of the cat causes a certain callous avoidance. I don't know how to talk about burying the cat. So I just hold it there and look at it. 

Oh Loopy. I'll miss petting your pretty fur. 

I think the Dalai Lama would want me to sit and be observant and not to worry. The choice to experience life is the same no matter what you are doing with it. I will choose to turn this fear into a window and enjoy this apartment's warmth while I have it rather than imagine a future I cannot predict nor see. Besides, my lover is not my therapist and I can't ask him to tell me what to feel. He certainly doesn't want that responsibility. Nor can I allow him to dictate how I feel in passing comments and assumptions. Nor can I assume that he will always be understanding of my bad dreams and feelings. I am also hard to talk to, and I know it.

cozy

The whole apartment is warm! I had forgotten how it felt to be warm, indoors, in a place where I lived, in the winter, without blankets and blankets and blankets.

Ah wine and heat. It may be pot pie time.